Thursday, January 12, 2023
I would like to honor my Dad right now, it’s been a long day, week, year, decade…His funeral was today and I said goodbye to his body, he wasn’t there at all of course. It was strange seeing the shell of him. There was life in that body just the other day.. I’m glad I got to take care of him for the past 7-8 years…What I realized today was the tremendous amount of balance my Dad brought into my life and my family’s life. My cousin and I were talking once about how we didn’t remember my Dad much growing up in our pre teen and teen yrs except that he was just there. Go to work, go to church, come home. He didn’t hang out with friends, he was at home. My earliest memories was going everywhere with my Dad. He took me to school and picked me up from school and took me to “the store” my Granddad owned where he worked as manager after school. He carried me in his arms everywhere we went. He took me to visit ppl in the nursing home in town where there was a talking bird and men yelling “come here little girl!” Lol I was safe way up high so I wasn’t scared lol He taught me how to tie my shoes when I couldn’t do it that crazy other way and I was so upset about it, but he showed me a different way. A way I could do it for myself. If he was reading, I was beside him pretending to read. If he was shaving, I was caught shaving with a toothbrush and toothpaste on my face. If he was watching TV I was pretend washing his hair calling him Henry for some reason and whatever made him laugh, which I recall that did, then I was on it! I loved making my Dad laugh. Recently, I was told that I broke down walls my Dad had built up since childhood. That God used me to break down some big walls for my Dad. He was raised in an abusive home, and I knew that but I never ever thought of myself breaking down any walls. I didn’t know there were ever any walls up lol. It makes sense though, reflecting on my memories of early childhood, because I was always with him and was like his entertainment or something. I know ppl can’t believe I was kinda unpredictable . Haha. I was the crazy little blonde running around the store getting lots of attention and I guess he had fun trying to keep up with me idk. I guess he liked me lol He developed Dementia within the past 10 years or so. And I’ve gotten to see what balance my Dad brought in to my life. You hardly notice it, but little by little he was taken away, and so was balance in my life. Without the balancer there, inevitably a vacuum effect occurred and , well, there’s no balance anymore. Not like he provided and there never will be, not like that ever again. My Dad never raised his voice. He never threw things or threatened anybody. He pretty much let you make choices and he would be there if necessary, but he always seemed to believe in giving you free will. He didn’t seem to judge people. He seemed to believe the best, and got along with anyone. He would take your secret to his grave I always heard. He didn’t show off, wasn’t loud, he was “just there”. It is amazing how him just being there balanced my whole life. I am so thankful that he was “just there” until the last few years when he was completely taken away, long before todays funeral. It is so clear to me now. I’m a lot like my Dad,or I would like to think I am, so now I’m wondering how I can find that balance he provided? He was always content. I think he was balanced within himself. That must be the key. You provide great balance when you are balanced greatly. I know that sounds so simple, but it’s just amazing how much a person can make your whole life so much better, or really the word is balanced..than if they weren’t in it for whatever reason. And then you don’t realize it completely until they’re completely gone. Anyway, I couldn’t speak at the funeral, I’m glad my cousin Stephen Shirley did and he did a great job describing my Dad from a nephews point of view. So this is my way of honoring my Dad Gerald C. Patterson He’s not gone though, he will always be with me, I guess teaching me that balancing act he did, without even being noticed…Be thankful for people that bring balance in this world . Cheers to my Dad! His reward is definitely great! He’s not too far away…I’m glad he is free now…
